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This One Really Takes the Cake

There’s a reason no one has ever been called the Little Debbie with the Mostest

You know the defining moments in a lifetime that people remember with absolute clarity? Things like man walking on the moon, the Buggles video playing on MTV, the first time you used the word “Google” as a verb, and when you learned while emphatically making a point during a huge meeting at your first real job it is intents and purposes and not intensive purposes?

Well, another of these moments happened recently with the announcement that Twinkies and Ho Hos were no longer going to be manufactured by Hostess.

With that news, I immediately experienced a wave of nostalgia as these were a part of my childhood. Let me amend that: They were a part of the childhood I wished I had — one with formative years chock full of name brand snack cakes, older siblings who had hobbies other than tormenting me and clothing constructed from at least one natural fiber. Alas, I was a Goofs gal that only rated on the Little Debbie scale and the fact that I never enjoyed the real deal has obviously left a bad taste in my mouth. Worse, even, than the one left by the waxy coating of a Swiss Roll.

My brother-in-law chimed in via Facebook about the Hostess bankruptcy and resulting loss of beloved treats by writing, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." While I can appreciate his strong feelings about the situation, it figures someone who quotes Tennyson on social media is the type of elitist who grew up regularly enjoying SnoBalls in his lunchbox. (Not a euphemism). 

It also led to a discussion with friends wherein we decided that going forward (if we can, sigh) we would describe something of inferior quality as the “Little Debbie" of whatever the real version is, similar to how people often ascribe the descriptor "the Cadillac of" to something of superior quality or luxury. (Aside: I once worked for an advertising agency and delivered really nice bottles of wine to our clients as holiday gifts one year. During some witty banter with one of our biggest clients, I described the gift wine as "the Cadillac of wines." This was especially funny because he was the general manager of a Lexus dealership. Though it was not especially funny to the client or the agency owner, it turns out.)

For never having ingested a Hostess treat … I can certainly be a real ding dong.

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